How to...

Appropriately enjoy an Ozarks fall festival

Springfield celebrates Cider Days September 15 and 16, and there are any number of other small-town fall festivals scattered between now and Thanksgiving—chances are you’ll find yourself dragged to at least one of them by a mom, significant other or volunteer organization. Here’s how to make the best of it.

• Seek out the food: Most of these festivals have some hidden gems, be it barbecue stands, kettle corn or fresh roasted nuts. Follow your nose.

• Pick a good one. All festivals are not created equal. Our favorites: Cider Days (September 15 and 16, on Walnut Street), Fair Grove’s Heritage Reunion (September 29 and 30) and Mount Vernon’s Apple Butter Makin’ Days (October 12 through 14).

• Make it a mission. These festivals are a great place to start—and sometimes finish—holiday shopping for women of a certain age.

• Use it as foreplay. Fresh, fall air can be an aphrodisiac. Hand the hayride driver a $20 and hitch a hill country ride for two.

• If in doubt, drink. Cider Days happens on Ebbets Field’s front lawn; smaller towns might require a flask or “soda” bottle filled at home. But be smart about it; the hand-painted saw booth is no place for a drunkard.