The Armchair Epicureans

Reviewing the best and worst on local shelves since 2006

Admittedly, the Armchair Epicureans were a pissy bunch this week, but trust us anyway and don’t buy any of the following:

Hain PureSnax Carrot Chips—$3.35
Few can argue that one should eat a healthy diet, but organic food has pushed the limit (I’m talking about you, soy cheese; never again!) of how tasty chips made from carrots can be. These orange-colored crisps were described as having an earthy, dug-out-of-the-ground taste. Some concluded that dog food would have been an improvement. Our take: Cardboard-flavored earth snacks only fit for hippies (yes, I shop there too—sorry, Mama Jean’s, I still love you!). Mama Jean’s Natural Market, 1727 S. Campbell, 417-831-5229

Archer Farms Aged Cheddar and Sour Cream Snack Mix—$1.79
They had to put a fancy schmancy name on this stuff because it tastes more like aged feet than aged cheddar. Targét attempts to sell itself to a higher-end crowd, so it was disappointing when we tried these supposedly top o’ the line store-brand snacks. Though good enough to eat mindlessly for 20 minutes or so, lacking any other food, you’re better off buying regular Gardetto’s rather than these wannabes, even at Targét. Target, 1825 E. Primrose St., 417-889-1511

Life Chocolate Oat Crunch Cereal—$2.33
Cinnamon Life cereal was the only cereal my mother would let us kids have growing up. It was a sad compromise between the colored-marshmallow cereal we wanted and the gritty fiber nuggets she wanted us to eat. My solution to the blandness was to squirt Hershey’s chocolate over the cereal. Suffice it to say, I have been waiting since childhood for Life to catch up and was excited to finally try the real thing. Sadly, it didn’t live up to my expectations. It still tasted like bland oat cereal, just with a hint of chocolate in the form of cocoa-dusted granola chunks. I’ll finish the box, though. Right after I run to the store and buy some chocolate syrup. Target, 1825 E. Primrose St, 417-889-1511