Nine Innings, Nine Eats

The baseball season’s half over. The real champions? Our stomachs.

Staff Writer Chris DeRosier, never afraid to be our guinea pig, took on the challenge of eating nine concession stand items at Hammons Field in nine innings. Here are the goodies Chris tried, his thoughts about them, and his rating—in the form of a cheesy baseball metaphor. For more details, check out the June issue of 417 Magazine.

1st Inning: Chili Frito Pie ($4)

A pile of Fritos chips coated with spicy chili and melted cheddar cheese. The combination makes a spicy meat cream, while the Fritos make it just crunchy enough to keep it from feeling gross.
The call: A stand-up double. I could eat at least one more.

2nd Inning: Jalapeño Cheddar Dog ($4)

I piled the onions and peppers high; It didn’t do anything to my stomach, but it did make it harder to notice the peppers and cheese cooked into the dog.
The call: A sliding double. Do we really need all four basic food groups represented at once in concessions food?

3rd Inning: Horrmann Philly ($4.25)

Onions and peppers make their second appearance. Since this bratwurst-turned-burger calls itself a Philly, it gets a smattering of cream cheese on the bun, too.
The call: A sliding triple. I’m not going to lie; the cream cheese was the least appealing idea so far, but it neutralized the onions and peppers and made the Philly go down easier.

4th Inning: Foot-long Corn Dog ($4)

Twelve inches of hot dog sealed in a corn-bread shroud and fried to soft, golden perfection with a small stick poking out the bottom to hold it by.
The call: Home run. Concessions food doesn’t get tastier or more portable. If you can’t tell by the photo, I love it.

5th Inning: Sweet Potato Fries ($2.75)

These are un-mashed, wavy-cut and lightly fried to bring the natural sugars to the surface, similar to a fried plantain. The first handful tasted good to the point of addictiveness.
The call: A stand-up double through the first half of the cupful, but out at third by the time you finish eating. Split an order with a friend.

6th Inning: Sweet Mini Sausage Pancake Wrap ($3.25)

They look like miniature corn dogs without sticks and darker in color. The taste, meanwhile, is incredible. The sausage isn’t too spicy, which allows the buttery-sweet pancake wrap to shine. Syrup on the side.
The call: Home run, without a doubt.

7th Inning: Wild Mountain blackberry ice cream with chocolate chips ($4.50, served in a miniature Cardinals batting helmet)

The blackberry flavor is so amazingly vivid that the chocolate chips were not only unnecessary, but kind of took away from the experience.
The call: A grand slam. Best of the night.

8th Inning: Italian Sausage ($4)

A spicy Italian sausage topped with onions and peppers, this was easily the spiciest of the meat-based products I ate, so it might be better early in the game.
The call: A sliding double, only because by this point it was competing for stomach space with seven other foods.

9th Inning: Mexicana Blanca Nachos ($4.75)

White corn chips topped with ground beef and lightly spiced white cheese? No dice. The cheese is too thick and gloopy and it tastes like it sat under a heat lamp for a while.
The call: A pop-up, since I didn’t finish.