Two-Minute Review: Red Robin

There’s nothing that gets my goat more than walking into some strange, dimly lit local restaurant and seeing a bunch of weird stuff on the menu in some fruity moon-language. If that weren’t the end of it, it’s usually got some little wussy-man portions too! Eeeww, I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it! No way, man, not for me. I like a big chain restaurant that ain’t givin’ no surprises and still satisfies the hunger of a big man like me. I want to be dazzled, man! But not in a gay way or anything.

Well, I got to try this new chicken and burger place on the south side, and this Red Robin Gourmet Burgers and Spirits (3270 S. Glenstone Ave., 417-883-9363), bless it, got it right every which way. They sure didn’t mess around with some funny meat that wasn’t chicken or beef. And the inside is so big and bright and flashy! Heck, there’s even a TV in the floor and four in the dining room so you don’t get bored or nothin’ while you wait. It’s perfect for the little ones, too—you don’t have to watch them or nothin’!

Oh man, I almost forgot about the food. I know, I know, it seems downright crazy that a burger place would charge nine bucks for a sandwich, but they give you a never-ending bucket of freedom fries through the whole meal, so it makes it alright. I went with the Cripsy Clucky Chicken Sandwich ’cause the table tent made it sound pretty cool. It tasted just like Chik-Fil-A, but you know, pricier and blander. But hey man, you know what they say: you’re really paying for the atmosphere.